Pickle Heaven Press-James R. Johnson

something to help you laugh and think about life with Christ

Tag: divorce

word keeper — February 28, 2024

word keeper

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It was the last day of the week at graduate school, and my friend was about to drive to Texarkana, Texas to attend his father’s wedding.  “It’s no big deal,” he said.   “This will be his fifth marriage.” 

The groom (whom we will call John Doe) had a sad history of matrimonial messes. Where did he even find a woman who volunteered to be Mrs. Doe number 5?

And his friends – well this would be the fifth time that they would show up with fondue pots and bath towels and make a dive for the ceremonial garter.

But one prankster friend came up with a novel gift idea.  He had some bumper stickers pre-printed and then distributed them to each wedding goer.  The sticker read, “Honk if you’ve been married to John Doe.”

The story is both funny and sad.  There were five different occasions where John stood before his friends and family and gave his word – saying, “I John take you, Mary, Bridget, Sandy, Anna and/or Lisa to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death; as God is my witness, I give you my promise.”

He promised! He gave his word, but he broke it at least 4 times at last count.

Is it important to be a word keeper?  It is – extremely important!   It’s a foundation upon which a functional society is established.   It’s tough to do government, or business or church or even family if we cannot trust what people say.

This obligation reaches down from heaven because God certainly expects us to keep our word – in marriage for sure, but in every other aspect of life as well.

In Psalm 15 King David asks a penetrating question.  He wrote in verse 1, “Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?” 

David was thinking of the tabernacle where the Lord was worshipped back in his day.  The ornate tent complex was set up on a hill in the city of David, just beyond David’s palace walls.  It was the place where the righteous would meet with God. 

So, David wondered, “Lord, what kind of person is most welcome at your house?”  Do you prefer a person who calls you, “Thee” when they pray?”  Or maybe you are partial to prolific personal evangelists. 

David, tutored by the Holy Spirit, offered several practical and truthful responses to the question.  Included in the short list is this, “(they) keep their promises even when it hurts.”  – Psalm 15:4

God throws out the welcome mat for those who do what they say.  They are word keepers.  If he promised to build the house; he will build the house.  If she told the kids that she would take them to the park; they go the park.  If he promised to stick with her till death; he sticks. 

But that last phrase is disturbing – “even when it hurts.”  This is to say that there are times we might make a promise, but circumstances change so that the promise is harder, even costly for us to keep.

The builder underbid the job, but he did it anyway for the amount that was agreed upon.   Mom was invited out to coffee, but she passed because she promised the kids a trip to the park.   She turned out to be less of a wife than he expected, but he kept his vows anyway.  

They kept their promises even when it hurt.  

What a wonderful world it would be if we could just rely on others to keep their word to us.  And what a wonderful start it would be if it began with you and me.  

A PRAYER: God Your Word calls us to be people of our word.  Help us to do that!

This has been Jim Johnson and pickleheavenpress.com

May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.

Scripture passages are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust.

ken and barbie — May 5, 2021

ken and barbie

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Being their pastor, I was asked to officiate at the wedding of Ken and Barbie, except I knew them as Daniel and Rachel.  They really were the ideal couple, both very physically attractive and emotionally healthy.  Both were solid Christians and highly committed to each other.

In our premarital counseling I gave them a standardized temperament test to assess their compatibility.   They tested better than Adam and Eve before the fall.

In the months that followed the wedding, I watched them with great satisfaction as the sage preparation I had provided worked it magic. 

I understand that they ended each day in their cozy bedroom, side by side.  As Daniel contentedly slipped off to sleep, Rachel would pray for him, “God I can’t stand it anymore, would you just take this man home?  I won’t disobey you and divorce him, but you could solve my problem with a car accident or something?” (I am not kidding-here!)

Hmm – Problems in paradise!

So, what happened?  I decided to call and ask them. (Yes, they are still married!) 

She says she had unrealistic expectations.  She thought she was marrying Prince Charming but then married life revealed glimmers of Conan the Barbarian. 

He says he was stressed with excessive schoolwork and a fulltime job.  He didn’t handle it well plus, she fell near the bottom of his priority list.  As long as the clothes were washed, meals were cooked, and house cleaned – he was happy.  He described himself as a “jerk.” 

They refused to utter the word divorce even though both were desperately unhappy.  They understood that marriage is for keeps.  It was God’s idea in the beginning, and He takes an active role in bringing two people together.  Many ceremonies conclude with the words, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6) KJV (Jesus words by the way)

They exchanged vows – a sacred and unbreakable commitment to each other with God as witness.  Yes, the Lord reluctantly allows divorce, but for a very limited number of reasons.  (Matthew 19:9)   

Daniel and Rachel were stuck.  They were bound by their vows.  

On the other hand – they pretty much knew what needed to happen with their marriage.  They had counseling, read the marriage books, and came from healthy families.  They knew!  Daniel says that they just finally committed to do it. 

They quit pointing the finger at one another and turned it back to themselves. 

She realized her own selfishness and self-righteousness, which doesn’t work well in any kind of relationship.  She determined to honor and respect Daniel even when he didn’t deserve it.

He told me that Rachel had become a mirror of his own behavior.  He saw the ugly impact he had on her and he didn’t like what he saw.  He bumped her up, just beneath God, on his priority list and began to practice servant-leadership in his home. 

They both came to realize that more was needed in their marriage than what they had the ability to give.  They humbled themselves before the Lord and sought His path and His power. 

On the MAIN thing, they both agreed.  The main thing was that they were committed to work it out – to address the problems head on and trust God to help them through.  There was no easy-out through a divorce.   

It took two years of hard, difficult, often lonely work, but number three became a honeymoon of a year for them.

They now have 5 kids and are expecting a sixth.  And Rachel still prays for Daniel at night. “Lord don’t ever let this guy die, I need his help with the kids – but more than that – I really, deeply love him.”  

A PRAYER: Lord help me be steadfast and immovable in the commitments I make, especially the one to my spouse. 

PS: I have their permission and their encouragement to share this!