Silence. That’s what we heard!
The couple invited their friends and family to help them celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. It was a full house.
Everyone was seated for the vow renewal ceremony. The couple insisted on walking the center aisle as they once had done. They took their place at the back and at 2 p.m. promptly they began their journey to the altar where I waited to officiate.
But there was no music! They processed without accompaniment. No piano rendition of Pachelbel’s Canon. No country crooner belting out, “God Gave Me You.” Not even a scratchy recording of “Here Comes the Bride.”
There was an eerie, uncomfortable silence – just the sound of their polished shoes shuffling on the carpet. It seemed a bit strange.
They arrived, and we began to do the vow renewal. They held hands as I asked him to repeat after me, “I, take thee – to be my wedded wife – to have and to hold – from this day forward…”
Such wonderful and romantic words of commitment, except that his face was turned to me when he said them. I told him I was flattered, but it would be better to face his wife and make his promises to her.
Now you need to know that this is a fabulous couple. They deeply love each other and are the very best of friends. They are still having a great time together 10 years after that anniversary celebration,
But their unusual vow renewal ceremony reminded me of what has happened in the marriages of others – The music is gone.
Oh, it was there in the beginning – the joy of having found that special someone who understood me and loved me and wanted to spend their life with me.
But the music has since been muted by the weight of life – repaying the student loans, committee meetings, 50-hour workweeks, 3 kids that sop up any available energy we might have. We continue to walk forward with each other, but we sure miss the music.
Is there anything we can do to crank up the band again? There is!
Jesus demonstrated for us how we need to love our spouses. Paul wrote this, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her” – Ephesians 5:25.
His way of love is the template for the way we need to love. What stands out here is the fact that Christ was the initiator. He didn’t wait to be loved. In fact, He was initially rejected by those He loved. And yet He started and sustained the relationship by giving Himself up for His church.
The apostle John said as much. He wrote “We love because he (Christ) loved us first” – 1 John 4:19. Our love for Him is a response to the lavish way He first loved us.
Early in our marriages, we too were initiators. He gave her unexpected flowers, she wrote spontaneous sweet notes; he was generous with his compliments; she would offer an unsolicited” I am so proud of you.”
But we settled into the doldrum of married life, and the initiation met termination. We now wait for our spouse to be the initiator. We wait to be loved because love is work – work that we are just too lazy to do.
So, what might happen if he volunteered to do the dishes after dinner each night? What if she was consistently there to watch him play softball and even bring drinks for team? What if he were to build a weekly date night into their routine?
What if she got up at 6 to make him breakfast before work? What if he offered to manage the kids so that she could visit her mom in Nevada? What would happen if they outdid each other in serving each other?
I’ll tell you what would happen. They would begin to hear Shania Twain singing “Still the One.”
A PRAYER: Lord forgive my laziness and remind me to actively love my spouse.
This has been Jim Johnson and pickleheavenpress.com
May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with you always.
Scripture passages are from the NETBible ®
