Pickle Heaven Press-James R. Johnson

something to help you laugh and think about life with Christ

Author: pickleheavenpress

I have served as a pastor in East Texas for 32 years and it is my delight to continue my ministry online
something’s afoot — May 20, 2020

something’s afoot

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Some folks have a foot fetish.  I, on the other hand, have a foot phobia.  I do not like feet – not big ones, not small ones.  I do not like them in a box.  I do not like them in my socks. 

Which is why I also avoid foot washing services.  For you non-initiated, a foot washing service, is a rite in some Christian denominations where the members kneel before and wash the feet of one another.  This is done out of obedience to Christ who called us to follow His example.

The Lord and I have argued about this at times.  Lord, I want to be an obedient disciple.  I am glad to tithe, even willing to up it to 11%.  And I am happy to read my Bible and pray every day – but can we just forget about foot washing?  Fortunately, my faith tradition has spiritualized foot washing as deeds of service for one another. 

But then I went to Haiti.  The big crusade was about to begin, and several thousand folks were expected to jam the soccer stadium each evening.   I was the guest speaker and it was a big deal.

My face was plastered on posters and banners throughout the Port au Prince area.  My voice would be broadcast throughout the nation by radio.  My ego was more inflated than a ticket to Disney World.

The sponsoring churches and pastors met beforehand to pray for a great moving of God.  It was then that my translator garbled something to me about a foot washing.  I went into near cardiac arrest.

The bigtime preacher and the key pastor were expected to start it off, on the platform, in front of the church.   He began.  He knelt at my snow white, soft, tender feet and washed away the lint from my socks.

I then knelt at his aged, black feet and I saw Haiti.  He had seldom worn shoes which caused his feet to be calloused and stained with the texture of tree bark.  His toenails were distorted and strange.  I was more than repulsed. 

But – I went to Haiti to touch people with the Gospel.  Should I not be willing to touch this good man’s feet in order to do that?  I poured the water and gently toweled his feet dry.

As I did, something died within me.   It was a putrid pocket of pride.  By washing his feet, He washed my heart.  This was exactly the kind of cleansing I needed before I should stand before the throng and proclaim the truth.

Something also happened in the hearts of the Haitians who were present.  They witnessed the great white hope from Texas, as he humbled himself at the feet of one of their own.  They saw me wash the dust and the dung of Haiti from this beloved pastor’s feet and it was as if I were washing theirs.

It was in that singular moment that I had earned the permission to speak the Gospel to them.

Humility is probably the most understated of virtues and yet its power to impact is exponential. 

Paul reminds us that Christ “humbled Himself” in order to accomplish the redemption of mankind.  He chose to submit Himself to self-serving leaders who twisted justice into the form of a cruel cross.  Jesus humbled Himself to reconcile all men to Himself (Colossians 1:20)  

Pride tends to be met with pride while humility provokes a humble response in others.  Perhaps that’s why Paul told us to embrace Christ’s attitude.  (Philippians 2:5) 

You said some exceptionally hurtful words to your wife.  Now she says, “I’m leaving.”   Humble yourself!   Wash her feet by taking responsibility for your part in the mess.  The words, “I am sorry,” have dressed many wounds and averted countless disasters. 

Your son is angry that he must do chores.  As a parent, you feel you have the right to demand it, but your demands are met with defiance.  Humble yourself.  Wash his feet by helping him gather up his dirty laundry. 

The group that you lead is dead-locked and the infighting is out of control.   Humble yourself.  Wash their feet by laying aside your agenda to support that of another.  

The crusade ended and was regarded as a raging success.  The Lord used me and my team to reach many spiritually hungry Haitians for Jesus.

He washed away the sins of many, but it began with the washing of the feet of one.

lion heartless — May 14, 2020

lion heartless

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“So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is…fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

Those were the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt on March 4th, 1933, as he became the 32nd President of the United States. 

Those words would have been just as relevant had he said them yesterday.  The grip of Covid seems to be loosening a little, and yet the experts are predicting a lingering and significant financial fallout and possibly a recycling of the virus. 

Be that as it may, the greatest threat has been and still is fear – fear of reopening for business, fear that my business won’t recover, fear that there will never be a vaccine, fear that my job is lost forever, fear that I’ll be sued if I cough at the grocery store, fear that my kids are never gonna get back to school.

And fear can make us do funny and irrational things. 

It was a zoo day for my wife and I and our youngest who was maybe 11 at the time.  We wandered over to the East Texas section to gaze upon bobcats, otters and eagles. 

As we rounded the corner, we came face-to-face with a mountain lion.  We do not have mountains in East Texas, but evidently, we have mountain lions.  They must use the same map app that I use.

Anyway, the lion was behind a wall of thick plexiglass and was settled far back in his faux natural enclosure.  She noticed us and lifted her head with curiosity.  My son entertained her with some antics that piqued her interest even more.  In fact, she tensed and began to slowly rise to her feet.  Her gaze was fixed on my son like he was a tasty gazelle.

And then, in a flash, she exploded forth (at 40 mph according to the experts) and didn’t stop until she came within a millimeter of the plexiglass.   It happened in 2 seconds. 

My wife and I were stunned – awestruck.  We looked over to see how our son reacted, but – He was gone.  He had run 30 feet away in the opposite direction also at 40 mph.

We nearly fell down laughing.  After all, the cat was contained.  She was securely controlled yet still he fled in fear. 

Some of us are running with him.     

But we need to know that our God has caged that which threatens us.  This is to say that our God is in control – total and complete – and this containment exceeds the strength of plexiglass. 

This is how the Psalmist put it, “Look! Israel’s Protector does not sleep or slumber. The Lord is your protector; the Lord is the shade at your right hand.  The sun will not harm you by day, or the moon by night.  The Lord will protect you from all harm; he will protect your life. The Lord will protect you in all you do, now and forevermore.”  – Psalm 121: 4-8 NET Bible ®

Did you catch how often the words protect and Protector were used?  Go back and read it again.  Our God is here to protect us from the razor-sharp claws of Covid   He contains the jaw-crushing bite to business.   There is no reason to run in fear.  

It’s been said that nothing can touch us which has not first passed through the hands of God. Now it’s true, He will sometimes allow us to be distressed in order to grow us and nudge us closer to Him, but never will He allow us to be destroyed – distressed but never destroyed.  

I confess that if I were to graph the level of my hope these days, it might track with the erratic ups and downs of the stock market.   Embarrassing but true.

My hope and yours, needs to be fixed not a fixed rate of return, but on the Lord of whom it was said, “For he has put everything in subjection under his feet.” – 1 Corinthians 15:27 NET Bible ®

Take a moment today to peer through your particular plexiglass pane.  What is it on the other side that causes you to tense up?  Then plant your feet before it, knowing that God stands between you and that threat. 

just a singin’ — May 9, 2020

just a singin’

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a fun but true story of the spiritual journey of Jim Johnson

a wacky wedding — May 6, 2020

a wacky wedding

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I have some dear friends who think they were married to each other – but they weren’t totally sure.

They met with their minister well in advance to plan out the wedding service.   It was decided that they would compose their own wedding vows.  Then with doe-eyed affection, they would recite them by memory to each other during the ceremony. 

That was the plan, but wedding prep can be hectic, and the vows didn’t get written.  So, they punted and opted for the minister to do the traditional, “Billy Bob, dost thou take Sally Jean as thine wedded wife?…” 

Well….they are not sure who dropped the ball.  They didn’t realize it until they were cutting the cake, that they had gone through the entire ceremony without exchanging vows of any kind.

Being in a church, at the altar, amid the flowers, amid maidens in pastel, does not make a couple married.  It’s the commitment they make to each other that seals it.   

The same can be said of being a Christian.  I sometimes encounter folks who identify as Christians.  Perhaps someone was raised in church.   But as an adult, he has no association with a church, he knows little about the Bible, and he prays only when the Cowboys are down in the fourth quarter.

He identifies as a Christian because that’s what he knows best, but having been associated with a church does not necessarily make him a Christian.  In fact, his limited association may even work against him. 

Researchers are looking for a vaccine at this time that will protect us against Covid-19.  This vaccine will be made of a small bit of the virus which they will inoculate us with.  The vaccine will essentially trick our immune systems into perceiving that we have had the disease already, so that we will not get the full-blown package. 

I meet people all the time who have been inoculated by their past church experiences.  They got just enough of Christianity to keep them from getting the whole thing.  This was certainly true of me at one time.

What is lacking is the commitment.

Now you may argue that the Bible says salvation is a gift.  And it does.  Paul wrote, “For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so that no one can boast. – Ephesians 2:8-9.  NET Bible ®   

The Gospel is about receiving God’s gift of salvation. There is nothing we can do to earn or deserve it.   But what does the word “receive” imply?

Suppose a guy gets down on one knee before his girl and opens a jewelry box with a beautiful diamond engagement ring.  Then he says, “It’s yours for 3 easy payments of $29.99 and if you act now, I’ll double the offer and pitch in a wedding band – just pay for shipping.”  

Ridiculous.  An engagement ring is a gift – a priceless, pure and simple gift with no obligation -except for one.  He expects to hear her say, “I love you and I will change the course of my life to merge with yours.  I want to be with you.  Yes, I will marry you.”   

And in a similar way, when we “receive” the gift that Christ offers, He expects to have our hearts.  He expects that we will want to be with Him. 

Suppose that girl said to her suitor, “The ring is beautiful. I think I’ll keep it.  But no, your nose is crooked, I don’t want be with you.” 

The ring box is snapped shut and into his pocket it goes.   He dusts himself off and moves on. 

Yeah, I don’t imagine a girl would ever do that, but it is a frequent occurrence with Jesus.  “Yes Jesus, I’ll take your gift of salvation, but I don’t really want to do life with you.” 

When that happens, I am pretty sure that the box goes back in His pocket and He dusts himself off and moves on. 

This is your opportunity now to do it right – to say to Jesus, “Yes I will receive the gift you offer.  I will change the course of my life to merge with yours because I want to be with you.”

Please don’t wait until you are cutting the cake to realize that this was a commitment that was never made.

I want Jesus to walk with me — May 2, 2020

I want Jesus to walk with me

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that thing you say — April 29, 2020

that thing you say

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We were living the movie “That Thing You Do!”   It began with four bored teens in the mid 60’s who decided to start a rock band.  It didn’t matter that we couldn’t play an instrument.  Common sense had never stopped us before.

Steve located an old Stella box guitar.  Billy got hold of a beginner electric guitar that evolved into a bass.  I deftly pushed the buttons on a plastic toy chord organ and Terry gathered the trashcans to create a smelly but colorful set of drums. 

We taught ourselves and began to make music.  My earliest memories of our rehearsals have been repressed. We were pretty bad but determined.  It wasn’t long before we were booked to play at parties for $5.00 a gig. 

We soon upgraded our instruments and our personnel changed some.  We got a new drummer – an excitable guy named Bob, who kicked a hole in his bass drum about once a week.

And then we added a lead singer by the name of Gene who sounded like Mick Jagger but was better looking.  As a bonus, he had his own sound system. It was small, however, and Gene’s voice was lost in the din of the guitars and drums. 

We were getting better and upped our fee to $6.00 a party.  And then, an amazing opportunity presented itself.  The Franklin County Fair was having a talent contest with cash prizes.

We practiced every Rolling Stone song in Gene’s repertoire and picked the best to present.  The day of audition came.  My dad drove us to the fairgrounds in the tour bus (a 63 Ford station wagon).

They called out our name, “The Fourth Generation!”  We grabbed our instruments with trembling hands and did our thing.

The house sound system was amazing.  Gene’s lyrics could finally be heard and we were confident of making the finals. 

But, halfway into the song I looked up. The 3 judges looked like they had taken a swig of sour milk.  Was it my Beatle boots or maybe my granny glasses? 

And then I tuned into the lyrics.  He was singing, “Let’s spend the night together.  Now I need you more than ever….” 

Evidently the judges didn’t appreciate a song about shacking up for the night!  Consequently, the closest we got to the County Fair was the livestock exhibit. 

It was kind of silly.  We were broadcasting a message and didn’t know what we were saying.  Then again, it really wasn’t that unusual.  We Christians do it all the time.  

We may not know it but some of us transmit the idea that Christians are perfect or close to it.  And the world looks at us and laughs.   They should because we certainly don’t live that way.

Some of us even give the impression that Christians are better those who are not.  And the community looks at us as if they took a swig of sour milk. 

Perhaps, the most frequent miscommunication is the idea that the Christian life is problem free – that the Christian is entitled to be wealthy and healthy.  

It just ain’t true.  Covid-19 has seen Christians suffering the same as everyone else.  Some were put out of work, others are lost businesses, some were sick and some died. 

As I write this there is a tornado bearing down on our community.  If it lands, I am not expecting it to skip over my house because I am a Christian.  (I know, I know – I should be in the bathtub. Hey at least this blog is being saved to the cloud.)  

The Gospel message does not promise a problem free life.  The same rain falls on every head.   But God does provide the resources the Christian needs in order to cope – an umbrella with which to help us manage.

He extends the lifeline of prayer to us and promises to answer.  He lifts our hope from the mire of the present and sets it on the future.  He indwells us to give us the power and courage we would not have otherwise.  He provides a church family to walk beside us and we have Jesus who is ever present with us – a reminder that we are never alone. 

The Lord said, “Don’t be afraid, for I will protect you. I call you by name, you are mine.   When you pass through the waters, I am with you; when you pass through the streams, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not harm you. For I am the Lord your God.” – Isaiah 43:1-3 NET Bible ®

God doesn’t keep us from trouble; but He will carry us through it.

Maybe the present is a great time to evaluate the words we have been singing and to learn a new song that accurately communicates God’s mercy amid trial.

Rejoice in the Lord always — April 25, 2020

Rejoice in the Lord always

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Cheer up today with a song from the pickleheavensongs youtube channel. Sung by Bethany Bergman, written by Sharie Johnson.

stolen piece — April 22, 2020

stolen piece

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It was solemn moment in the service. Communion was being served. The tradition of the church was for folks to rise, move to the center aisle and go forward, receive communion and then return by the side aisle.

My friend Steve had just returned and had taken his seat when something in his peripheral vision frightened him.  There was a big, ugly, hairy animal on his arm.  He stifled a scream, jumped up and tried to shake the fearful thing off onto the next guy, but it had a tenacious hold on him.

He paused and realized that the beast was actually a bushy lady’s wig.   He snagged it with his coat button when he returned from communion.  OK this was absurdly embarrassing.

He discreetly scanned the row in front of him for a seated lady without any hair.  And there she was – an older, dignified matron who had no idea that her glory was missing.  Her husband noticed, however, and laughed himself under the pew.

I asked Steve what it was like doing church with her after that.  He said, “Every time they met, she gave him an icy stare and a grunt.

And who could blame her?  He exposed her scruffy scalp to the church!  He put her imperfection on display for all to see!   Oh my!

We will forgive him for that because it was an accident, but some of us do it quite purposefully.

During the Covid-19 confinement I had an occasion to personally speak with the Sheriff of one of our counties in East Texas.  I asked him if he was seeing the same uptick in crime that they were experiencing in New York.  He said not in terms of robberies, but the number of domestic 911 calls were spiraling up. 

Couples were getting into fistfights over the TV remote or a thoughtless remark – trivial offenses that didn’t really matter before.

I get it.  The quarantine is taxing. People are sitting around, with little to do, and their frustration is translated into impatience with their 24-hour-a-day companions.  Its crazy!  People are facing essentially a life and death situation and yet they are squabbling over who gets to wear the prettiest facemask. 

It’s at times like these we need the counsel of the Word of God. 

The Apostle Paul wrote, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others.”   Col 3:12-13  NET Bible ®

I love every word of this prescription.  Our homes would be astounding if we filled them with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  But sometimes the only thing we are capable of doing is, “bearing with one another.” 

The word “bearing” in the Greek more specifically means, “to endure” one another.   To endure is to put up with someone.  Yes, your wife may talk incessantly when she is frightened, but who isn’t frightened at the moment? Instead of attacking her, maybe you just need to bear it. 

He thinks he owns the TV remote.  Why go to war over it?  He will be back to work soon, then you can wipe it down with a sanitizer cloth and have it all yourself.  In the meantime, maybe you just need to bear it.

Along with the “bearing” Paul adds “forgiving.” – always appropriate especially because we have been forgiven.   Maybe Steve should have been forgiven for heisting her hairpiece?

Solomon the wise adds this to the mix. “He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”   – Prov 17:9  NASU  Rather than camping on offense we should conceal it to minimize the embarrassment.  

Maybe the husband of the hairless wife should have quit laughing and discreetly helped to her to get rewigged?   As it was, she was on her own.  She turned, stared at Steve and said, “Hey you, boy, give me that hair!” 

Now of course, I am not suggesting that we should forever ignore personal differences.  A healthy relationship will withstand and prosper when effort is made to resolve these things.  But there are times, however, that its best just to bear them.  This may be the time!

Cut Off — April 18, 2020

Cut Off

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A special Post-Easter message in song from Jim Johnson and PickleHeavenSongs

bullied — April 15, 2020

bullied

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I too went to a school that had its school bully.  He was 6” taller and 6” wider than the rest of us and wore a crew cut and a scowl.  I will seal his juvenile record by calling him Biff. 

Biff was always on the prowl, ever with a growl.  He pushed his way around and intimidated we wee ones.  He certainly liked to pick on me. 

One day we were sitting at the lunch table.  To my right was my bosom buddy.  We were pals because I was funny, and he liked to laugh.  Across from us sat Biff. 

I sensed an opportunity.  I waited until my friend grabbed his carton of milk and put it to his lips (the cool boys didn’t use a straw).  Then with the comic timing of Jim Gaffigan, I said something funny. 

His mouth instantly exploded with laughter, thus showering Biff with milk.  His face and shirt were covered.  It was so perfect.  The whole table of kids howled.  Biff reacted, jumping up and lurching across the table to grab me.

I got up and ran.  My friend watched and laughed.  Biff chased me around the cafeteria.  (Where was Sister Mary Cletus when I needed her?)   

I exited the school with him right on my tail.  I ran down Loretta Ave – one block, two blocks and three.  His face was a pace behind.  My lungs were starved for air, but I ran.

I circled back, thinking I could find help at school.  The cafeteria was empty – all had gone back to class.  I was alone and Biff did not relent.

I ran into the girl’s bathroom thinking Biff wouldn’t dare, but he did.  (Hey, did you know that the girl’s bathroom smells better than the boy’s) 

I was trapped in a stall, on a pot, cowering in fear, while he blocked me in with his massive frame. I trembled as I waited to get another beating.

I still remember that fearful sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.  

In fact, I am feeling it again – but this time the bully is a lethal virus that seems every bit as relentless. 

I watch the news and get a daily dose of despair.  The economy is unraveling, the death toll is rising, and the hope of full recovery is pushed back every day.  

And the aloneness is profound.  Social distancing is one thing, but the people and things that I look to for help aren’t there for me.  Government seems to dither, I can’t gather with the saints at church, and out of caution I am not able to be with my kids and grandkids.  

But I do find comfort in the words of Paul in 2 Timothy 4:16-18.  “At my first defense no one appeared in my support; instead they all deserted me—may they not be held accountable for it.” 

Paul, was in Rome at the time, on trial for preaching the faith.  The apostle was typically surrounded by a host of others, but at the time he went to trial, they bailed.  Should Paul be found guilty, he would face the lions in the Roman Coliseum while a bloodthirsty crowd cheered.  He was facing a frightening scenario.

It was a vulnerable moment for Paul when he said, “no one appeared in my support” – “they all deserted me.”   

He went on to say, “But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message would be fully proclaimed for all the Gentiles to hear.” (17)  He spoke of a unique experience with the Lord – as if the Lord was at his side, serving as his defense attorney.  

Of course, the Lord has promised to always be with us (Matthew 28:20) but Paul seemed to be speaking of a unique experience – a special grace that he could sense. 

The Lord calmed the tremble in his hands, straightened his weak knees and gave him convincing and powerful words.  He strengthened Him. 

That’s what I need right now.  I want to sense the Lord standing with me.  I need to experience His strengthening.  Perhaps I would have it if I were to consult with my heavenly attorney more often through prayer.

Paul concluded, “And so I was delivered from the lion’s mouth!”   He was acquitted and set free. 

Back in that bathroom stall, I was stunned.  Biff was ready to pounce, when suddenly he turned and just walked away.  Maybe he was a nicer guy than I had previously thought.  Either way, I too was delivered from the lion’s mouth.  And so, shall we! 

Scripture translation is from the NET Bible ®