Pickle Heaven Press-James R. Johnson

something to help you laugh and think about life with Christ

Author: pickleheavenpress

I have served as a pastor in East Texas for 32 years and it is my delight to continue my ministry online
shoes too big — August 28, 2019

shoes too big

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james ray johnson

My son was in the marching band.  His uniform included a pair of white shoes – stark white shoes.  You could wear them in the dark to find your way.

I had to provide these shoes.  They were expensive and only good for marching.   We tried to get him to forgo the prom rentals and wear his whities instead, but he refused. 

Every two years we had to upsize to accommodate his growing feet.  We forced his discards on his younger brother. 

This worked well until his junior year.  He was wearing size 16 by then.   They don’t carry size 16 white shoes at Wal-Mart.  But we did locate a pair at abominable-snowman.com. 

His little brother tried them on, and we decided to ship him to Florida to audition for the Ringling Brothers Circus: Atten: Clown Department.  

My son most definitely left behind some big shoes to fill.

But so did my dad!

Dad was my childhood hero without a doubt.  Such a hard worker.  He was once actually criticized by the union steward who said, “Slow down, you’re making the rest of us look bad.”

He had opportunities to move into management, but he turned them down because it would have meant upending his family.

He put his kids through private school and financed it by doing things like cutting his own hair.

He could warm your bottom with a needed swat, and then warm your heart with a hug.

He seldom interfered once I was on my own, but was ready to offer sound advice when I sought it.  

He wasn’t a perfect man, but certainly a good one. 

Dad has gone on to glory.  His enormous shoes are empty and need to be filled.  Could I be that kind of man for my wife and kids, my grandkids and my employer? 

Possibly!  Moses, the legendary leader of Israel, had died, after he had led Israel out of Egypt, through the Red Sea, around the wilderness and to the east bank of the Jordan River. 

A younger man named Joshua was tasked with leading the nation across the river and into the land to finish what Moses had started – to claim the promises that God made to Abraham centuries before. 

Moses’ sandals felt like size 16s.  But God knew that, which is why He told him, “Be strong and brave! Don’t be afraid and don’t panic, for I, the Lord your God, am with you in all you do.” – Joshua 1:9, -NET Bible®.    

There was lots to fear – hostile forces, a sketchy supply chain and the prospect of failure.  God didn’t diminish the challenges, but He magnified the solution instead.  He promised to go with him wherever he went and in all that he did.

God told him to be brave.  I am not sure that you can just will yourself to feel brave, when you are feeling afraid.  You can however, move forward, despite your fears, trusting God to help you succeed.  That’s the kind of bravery the Lord had in mind for Joshua.

As a kid, I watched some teens play pinball at the bowling alley.  I accidentally bumped the table.  The game began to flash the word “tilt” and it shut down.  There were 3 angry teenage boys ready to tilt me.  I was terrified. 

Just then, my dad appeared.  I ran to him and left my fears back at the pinball machine.  The presence of a father can do that for a kid. 

Joshua assumed the lead.  When his crew stepped in the waters of the Jordan, the river ceased to flow, and Israel walked through it, just as they had once walked through the Red Sea with Moses.

What shoes do you need to fill?  

Are you subbing for a beloved teacher or maybe replacing the supervisor at work who just retired?  Perhaps the memory of your mother is making you feel inadequate as a mom or maybe you are a widower and your wife has left a huge hole in your family life.  If so – remember, “Be strong and brave! Don’t be afraid and don’t panic, for I, the Lord your God, am with you in all you do.”

one letter — August 21, 2019

one letter

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james ray johnson

Have you seen that list of church bulletin bloopers and wondered, “Did they just make that stuff up?”   Well, I was a pastor and I have an authentic collection of my own.

My sermon notes were supposed to say, “the Most High God.”  But this is what came out – “Jesus was the Son of the Moist High God.”  Evidently there is a humidity problem in heaven.

I cited a Miranda Lambert song in a message, “You’re Running with the Fastest Girl in Town.” My spell checker rendered it this way, “You’re running with the fattest girl in town.”   Oops.

One of my most embarrassing typos happened when I was still preparing for the ministry.  During that time, I was also a printer, serving the needs of the Bible college and the community. 

One day Linda dropped by.  She was opening a new pizzeria in town and wanted me to create menus that she could distribute door-to-door.

It was a fun job.  I did the typesetting and used a font with flourish. Black and red ink gave it an Italian pop.   And at the top of that 11 x 17 sheet was the name: Linda’s Pizza Pantry.    She gushed over the finished product and I was proud of my work.

She then gathered her troops and delivered one to every household in our hamlet of 5,000.  At the end of the day, however, she returned with the leftovers to point out a typo. 

It was at the top, in a brazen, 42-point, bright red font: “Linda’s Pizza Panty.”   Panty???  Oh no!  Did it really say Panty?  It did, and Linda’s face was as red as the ink on the page.   She and her pizzeria became the talk of the town. 

One letter can make a huge difference!

The resurrected Jesus stood before Thomas and told him to put his finger through the gaping holes in his hand.  This was evidence that Jesus had died, but the voice speaking to Thomas was evidence He was alive. 

His faith took a giant leap forward.  He said to Jesus, “My Lord and my God.”   (John 20:28)   He was stunned as he recognized and then affirmed the Deity of Jesus.  Thomas essentially said, “Wow, You are God for sure.” 

His words became one of the foremost confessions of faith in the New Testament.

BUT one errant letter could have wrecked it all.  The word for God in the original language of the New Testament is “Theos.”   So, what if John had been sloppy when he recorded his Gospel?  What if he had accidentally added a letter to “Theos” to get ”Theros” instead? 

“Theros” is the word for summer.   So, Thomas would have gone on record as saying, “My Lord and my summer.” 

Ah but it didn’t happen.  It couldn’t happen.  Why?  Because the words that John wrote were precisely those that God wanted to have written.  According to 2 Timothy 3:16. “Every scripture is inspired by God.” -NET Bible®.    

The word inspired literally means “God breathed.”  Which is to say that God penetrated the hearts and minds of those who recorded the Scripture with His precise words.  They were put to ink exactly as they were given.  The passage says it applies to every Scripture. 

Once the Scripture had been revealed, it was faithfully preserved.  The Pharisees tried to argue away the truth, but Jesus said, “The scripture cannot be broken.” – John 10:35 -NET Bible®.    He didn’t allow the critics to side-step the words of Scripture simply because they retained the authority of having been God breathed.

Today we have Bibles, which continue to preserve the original and exact words that God first gave to Moses, David, Matthew, Paul and so on.  People who according to Peter, were carried along by the Holy Spirit when they spoke the very words of God. (2 Peter 1:21)

I recently scoured the net looking for Linda’s Pizza Pantry.  Alas, it appears she may have closed her doors.  (I hope that wasn’t my fault!)  Not a problem with the Scripture. It will be around for eternity.  (Isaiah 40:8)   

So, forget that pizza you are thinking about right now, and taste the truth of the Scripture instead.  It has directed mankind in the past and will carry us into the future.

the weepy wheel watcher — August 14, 2019

the weepy wheel watcher

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james ray johnson

This is the story of Wyn the weepy Wheel Watcher.  My friend Wyn is an avid fan of Wheel of Fortune.  He is even registered to win prizes. 

So, one day a studio contestant spun the mighty wheel and it came to rest on the “Mystery Wedge.”   He flipped it over and found that it was worth $5,000.   Then Wyn’s first name and last initial was projected on the TV screen.  He was randomly selected as the lucky Wheel Watcher.  If the studio contestant could solve the puzzle, then both he and Wyn would become $5,000 richer.

Well the boy was good with his ABC’s and he solved the puzzle.  They both won.  Wyn had 24 hours to contact the show and claim his prize.

No problem – except that on that particular day, Wyn was out watering his veggies instead of vegging out on the sofa.  So, he didn’t know that he had become a winner. 

No problem!  The show also follows up with a phone call – except that Wyn will not answer his cell phone unless he recognizes the number.  Vanna White was not in his contact list – yet. 

No problem!  The show also follows up with an email notice.  Now Wyn does look at his email, but not often.  He checked it the next day and finally got the news.   Fantastic!  He could do a lot with $5,000 bucks – except that he didn’t check his email until after the deadline had passed. He was 15 minutes too late and $5,000 the poorer.  Wyn lost! 

Now you may be saying to yourself, “That’s a nice story – a little goofy – but it’s got nothing to do with me.” But – it does.

Scripture pictures a similar scenario. Christ is in the role of the studio contestant, while everyone else passively sits at home and watches.   And – whatever He wins, we win.

Vanna tell them what they’ve won. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which he loved us, even though we were dead in offenses, made us alive together with Christ – by grace you are saved! – and he raised us up together with him…” (Ephesians 2:4-6) -NET Bible®.

Did you catch the word “with?”  We were made alive together with and raised up with Christ.  He won the contest when He defeated sin and death at the cross.  The proof of His victory was in His resurrection. 

Because Christ was raised from the dead, we who have believed in Him are also entitled to the same prize.  This is our ticket to the resurrection and eternal life – a very desirable prize.

I serve as a Hospice Chaplain.  My job is to sit with and listen to and encourage and pray for those who are dying.  Can you guess what they most often want to discuss?  The future, of course!  They want to know if they will live even after they die.

It’s a rich privilege to tell them they can.   John 3:16 is a reminder, “For this is the way God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”  -NET Bible®. The person who has trusted Christ as Savior in this life, will enjoy His company in the next.   It’s already been won.  We need only claim it. 

But there is a limited time?  The deadline falls the moment we take our last breath in this life.  15 minutes after is just too, too late!  

Wheel of Fortune is the most watched program on TV, with an average of about 2 million people tuning in each day.  I bet one of Wyn’s countless friends was watching the day his name was chosen. 

It would have been nice if one of them would have called.  Wyn might have answered his phone for a friend.  That friend could have asked, “Hey Wyn, did you know that Pat Sajak has a check for $5,000 with your name on it? ” But alas, no one cared enough to call.

So how much do you care?  Isn’t there someone in your circle of family or friends, who needs to know that Jesus has won for them the gift of eternal life?  

I can think of an easy, non-offensive and fun way to do that.  Send them the link to this blog!

green stamp hope — August 7, 2019

green stamp hope

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james ray johnson

Mom had her hope set on a plastic plant that was rooted in Styrofoam, surrounded by 8 cedar planks and bound by brass bands.  Back in the 50’s this was considered to be attractive! 

My dad worked awfully hard, often 2 jobs, but money always seemed to be tight.  We were not poor, but we were the next thing to it.  We couldn’t afford such an item, but mom had a plan. 

Each week, the grocer gave her S&H Green Stamps in proportion to what she spent on groceries.  With 5 kids to feed, that was a lot of brown paper bags full.  One day she gathered her stamps and drafted us kids to fill her redemption books.  We licked ourselves silly.

Then all 7 of us jumped into our 56 Chevy wagon and headed to the redemption center where mom traded her green stamps for her heart’s desire – one cedar planter. 

She was happy!  She finally had some “nice” in the midst of the drab.  She proudly placed it in the living room for all to see and she really enjoyed it – for most of one day.  

See we were a wrestling bunch.  We kids liked to mix it up with dad on the floor.   Well he flipped one of us the wrong direction and crash went the planter.  It was flatter than mom’s expression when she saw it.   

She held her tongue while dad got out the tool box, with which he was known to do wondrous things.  He once took a bicycle kickstand and refashioned it into a car gear shifter.  So he used his screws and glues and the planter was restored.  Sure, there was a chipped board and a dangling leaf, but it was still sorta nice.

Days later, another kid planted themselves on the planter.   Dad worked his magic again, but it looked – well – it was looking more like the décor of the Frankenstein household.   Mom was a saint.  She said nothing. 

The cataclysmic cycle was repeated yet again.  Mom was living the sequel to the movie Groundhog Day.

And then – a fourth crash.  But this time, mom got to the wreckage before dad and she stomped it into cedar splinters and plastic plant pulp.  She wasn’t going to leave anything that dad could possibly resurrect. 

Her hope of having something nice died with that last crash.  She could hope no more.

Hope sometimes dies!

He hoped to get promoted at work.  He gave it his best, but 5 years later he was still lodged in the same cramped cubicle.  He quit trying and settled into 8 hours a day of apathy.

She was a writer who hoped to get her novel published.  It wasn’t!  After 56 letters of rejection, she threw her manuscript in the burn pile.

A young man hoped for years that his inattentive wife might change.  She wouldn’t!  He eventually stomped on that hope when he left her for another. 

Oh, for a hope that will not disappoint!   

Oh, but there is such a hope!

Titus 1:2 speaks of the “hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before time began.”   NET Bible®   Eternal life is a never ending, blissfully, sweet existence in the company of Jesus and all our friends and family who have ever loved Him. 

According to the verse, God promised this eternal life before time began.  And since God is all knowing and all powerful and because He cannot lie, then we can count on it.

This hope will never disappoint. It is possessed only by those who have trusted Christ to remove their sins.

It’s ironic that the cedar wood in mom’s planter is valued for its ability to resist rot and insect damage.  Yet, it can’t begin to compare to the durability of our eternal hope.

Mom gave up on her prized planter, but she has held fast to the hope of eternal life.  She has passed on and is now enjoying that hope that will never be broken or even lamely patched.

My dad is trying his best to join her.  Any day now, he too will enter that place of sweet eternal hope.  But for mom’s sake, I hope he leaves his tool box behind.  

when does a dead man count? — July 31, 2019

when does a dead man count?

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james ray johnson

7/3/2019:  Highway Patrol Trooper Travis Smaka was on the Interstate near Las Vegas when he noticed a car in the HOV lane with a solo driver.  He stopped the Chrysler minivan and informed him that he was getting a ticket because he was one person short to be using the HOV lane.

The driver reported that he was not alone.  There was another person in the back of the van.    Upon peering inside, the trooper found that the van was equipped as a hearse, with a rail and a gurney and even a deceased person.

The driver asked, “So, he doesn’t count?” 

Hmm…I wonder how else this guy used his cadaver?  Maybe he took him to Sunday School to win the prize for “Bring a Friend Day?”  (If anybody ever needed Jesus – his horizontal friend did).  Maybe he took him to the bank to co-sign for his car loan.  Surely the “stiff” came in handy at the company picnic when he needed a partner for the three-legged race!  

Alas, Officer Smaka burst his bubble.  He said, “No he doesn’t count.”

That’s no surprise, BUT if you were to ask Jesus, He would tell you that the only time a man counts, is when he is dead.”

Jesus had just told His disciples that He was headed to the cross.  Peter scolded Him, “Jesus – you can’t die.  You are gonna become our King.”

Jesus answered, “If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” – Mark 8:34* The cross was an implement of execution.  He said each of us has one with our name on it and we need to embrace it rather than deny it.

Before you make out your will, understand that He spoke of death to our wills.  The cross was God’s will for Jesus.  To deny oneself is to give up the self-centered, self-directed life.

My best friend went to Seminary with the intention of being a pastor.  But a brain tumor got in the way.  He survived it, but it left his body somewhat diminished.  He thought that being a disciple meant being a pastor.  For him it meant dying to the dream of being a pastor.

To lose one’s life for Jesus sake, is to lay it all on the line to do His will and to advance His purposes.  

I could build the new lake house for me but maybe I should help repair the battered women’s shelter for Jesus sake.  I could spend that big raise on me, or I could raise the support I give to that missionary family.   I could win the argument with my coworker, or I could win his heart through gentleness and respect.  I could claim the parking space near the entrance or I could leave it for the mother of 3 in the car behind me.  Only a dead person is capable of such things. 

He continued, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of me and because of the gospel will save it.”  Mark 8:35* 

Certainly, this applies to eternal life.  When we die to the impulse to save ourselves and turn to Christ, then we live.  To preserve the self-willed way, would be to perish.

But the principle has many reverberations.  For instance: the self-centered are busy saving their lives and often alienate others as they do.  The generous give their lives in service of others – and as a result they are rich with relationships.  So, who truly has the better “life?”

There was a missionary in India by the name of Sadhu Sunder Singh who was passing through the wintry Himalayan mountains with a friend.  They came upon an unconscious man in the snow.  The friend walked on, worried more about his own survival while Sadhu took the injured man upon his back.

The friend died of hypothermia, but Sadhu survived because of the extra work and the benefit of the warmth of the body of the man that he carried.

Most of us will never literally die for our faith, but we must die as an expression of our faith.

Yes officer Smaka – a dead man does count!

*NET Bible

now i-cy! — July 24, 2019

now i-cy!

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james ray johnson

“Thank you for being with me!”  Those words raised chill bumps – more than the pot of ice water in which my hand was submersed.   Let me explain.

My youngest son and I were baking as we sat on an asphalt driveway in the middle of a sweltering Texas summer.   I don’t know if I lost my mind before the decision, or sometime during, but there we were. 

Our mission was to chisel out the crumbling portions and patch it.  Maybe I should have hired it out, but I am kinda tight.  How tight you ask?  When I grab a dollar bill, George Washington screams.

Anyway, there we were, chipping away when there arose such a clatter I sprang from my squat to see what was the matter.  He crushed his thumb with the hammer. 

He was in prodigious pain.  He was still a little guy, so he wasn’t much for hiding his hurts. He jumped up and down, cradling his thumb while the tears gushed.  I sensed that it was time for some fatherly comfort, so I firmly said, “Go in the house and put some ice on it.”

He stumbled in, but his anguish still echoed from the kitchen.  He has always dreaded the pain of the cold ice more than the pain of his injury.  He might need some help. 

I found him sitting on the tile floor, still sobbing so I made an icepack and tried to force it on him.  I’ve had greater success bathing a cat.

Plan B.  I got a cooking pot, filled it with water and topped it off with ice.  I then took his hand in mine and submerged them both in the water.

He squirmed and fought me at first but then began to relax.  His pain was easing.   We sat without a word with icy hands for 10 minutes.  That’s when he finally broke the silence to say, “Thank you for being with me!”

My turn to cry!  I choked up when I understood that what he wanted and needed from me – was not a lesson or an icepack – just a little empathy.  He needed me to be with him in his pain.

I was a decent dad, but I wasn’t very good at that.  And yet it was something that I also longed for as a kid.  I remember my dad handing me a paint scraper with a mandate to remove the chipped paint on the house so that he could repaint it on the weekend. 

It was a two-story frame house. There was more area to scrape than the Great Wall of China. I was overwhelmed.  Day after day I chipped away, while desperately wishing that someone would join me.  But a real man didn’t need such things – or so I thought – or so I was told. 

Jesus thought differently.  Joseph of Nazareth encountered an angel in a dream who said to him, “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will name him Emmanuel,” which means “God with us.”  (Matthew 1:23) -NET Bible®

God with us!  Jesus was named “God with us” – not God for us, or behind us, or beyond, or before us – but “God with us.”  In our brokenness, we must have needs that only His presence with us can begin to address. 

John wrote of Jesus, “Now the Word became flesh and took up residence among us.”  (John 1:14). -NET Bible®    Eternal God added flesh to His being.  Why flesh?  In part, so that He might take up His residence among us.  He really wanted to be God with us.

Solitary confinement was pioneered in 1829 at the Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia.  Charles Dickens visited the facility during his travels.  He described the “slow and daily tampering with the mysteries of the brain to be immeasurably worse than any torture of the body” 

If the worst thing we can do to a person is to isolate them, then perhaps the best and most basic thing we can do is to be with them. 

My son’s words were more bracing to me than the icy water that numbed my hand.  He helped me see that my presence is a priceless gift that I can give to him and others.

Ironically, these days I serve as a Hospice Chaplain.  I visit those who have been given no medical hope of recovery.  Their days are few.  A nurse keeps them comfortable, an aide keeps them clean, but I offer them my company. 

We talk, read the Scripture, I’ll sing them a hymn or two, maybe make them laugh and of course I pray – and if it’s ever needed – I’ll grab another pot of ice water and we’ll soak together.

my four-point fiasco — July 17, 2019

my four-point fiasco

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james ray johnson

It took my 4-point GPA to show me how dumb I really was! 

I grew up with the idea that getting to heaven depended on what I could do.  I assumed there was a cosmic scale betwixt heaven and hell, with my sin on one tray and my merit on the other.  If my merit should exceed my sin at the end of my life, then – boom –the doors to paradise would open to me.  Simple – I just had to obey the rules. 

Even as a kid I worked hard to tip the scale in my favor.  I listened to and obeyed my spiritual teachers, I prayed my rote prayers faithfully (though at the speed of light.) I also attended church service six days a week.  I really did. (So, don’t even look to me for sympathy when you feel like you need to sleep in on Sunday morning.)  I was an A1 rule keeper. 

But I eventually bumped my head on the words of Jesus.  He let me know that a rule keeper must keep the rules perfectly.  He said, “So then, be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”  (Matthew. 5:48) -NET Bible®   

Did He really mean perfect? – as in keeping the rules flawlessly? – as in complete conformity to the intrinsic holy character of God Himself? 

I learned about perfect as a student at Tri-State Bible College.  After 4 semesters, my GPA was a flawless 4-point.  Straight A’s all the way – in every single class.  Cool.

But alas, I eventually blew it – just a little, and was given a final grade of B in a church history class.  My 4-point slipped to a 3.96.  Now I must admit that I am perceptive when it comes to theology, but as dense as a brick when it comes to math. 

Which is why I got out a calculator. I wanted to know how long it would take me to reclaim that 4-point average.  (please stifle that laugh)  

So, I multiplied future course hours by 4, and then added the sum to my current average. It came to 3.999999!  Not yet up to 4, but I ran out of numbers, so I found a bigger calculator.  This time it came out to 3.999999999.  An even bigger machine was obviously needed – an industrial strength adding machine.  This time it came out to 3.999999999999. 

Only then, I realized that I could go to school for the rest of eternity and get perpetually perfect scores, but the best average I could ever attain would be 3 with an infinite number of 9’s behind it.  Perfect does not allow for even one imperfection. 

So why then did Jesus say, “be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”   Doesn’t the Scripture say, “All have sinned?” (Romans 3:23).  All of us have missed the mark with God, so it is impossible for any of us to ever achieve the Fatherly 4-point. 

Which was His point!  Jesus wanted us to know that the bar is so high with the Father that no one could ever qualify for heaven – without Him. 

Paul put it this way in 2 Corinthians 5:21, “God made the one (Jesus) who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we would become the righteousness of God.”  -NET Bible®

Jesus became sin!  God, out of His mercy and grace, transferred the guilt of our sin to Jesus which left us guiltless before God.  God now views the Christian through the lens of Christ– and what He sees is His perfection.  The Father’s 4-point is met in Jesus. 

If eternal life is important to you – then maybe you should speak to the Father today and tell Him, “Father, I am helpless to save myself.  I cannot keep the rules perfectly.  Save me by the virtue of Jesus.  Wash me of my sin and give me the stamp of his perfection.”  

If you would like help in understanding this commitment, go to the contact page and send me your question.  If you need help balancing your bank account – I am probably not your man!

the bride price — July 10, 2019

the bride price

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james ray johnson

How many goats is a person worth?   That was a question that my brother Mark was recently required to answer.  You see, a while back he met a lovely woman in Bahrain who is actually from Kenya.  They began to date which required my very American brother to commute from his then current home in Saudi Arabia to see his Kenyan princess who was still in Bahrain. 

All this international travel bewildered me.  I live in East Texas where we mostly just travel to Dallas to go to Six Flags to eat a smoked turkey leg.

But he burned up those frequent flyer miles and they fell in love and decided they should marry.  That’s when the story got extra complicated.

Elizabeth belongs to the Kikuyu tribe, and when it comes to marriage, the Kikuyu hold fast to their traditions.  If my brother wanted to marry her, he would need to negotiate with the village Elders over the bride price.

He made the long trip to rural west Kenya – arrived at her village and was soon taken to a room where he was left by himself.  He was only there for five hours. 

During that time the Elders and her parents discussed an appropriate asking price.  Having agreed, they then summoned Mark and the bargaining began – in Swahili. 

The bride price for a girl from this family was 120 goats (which is about $3,500 in U.S. dollars).  Mark countered and offered one chicken.  His possible future in-laws were not amused. 

The parents were willing to haggle, but the Elders said it was tradition and the price was non-negotiable.  But they did offer to let him pay it out in installments.  Every time he came to visit the family he could bring 10 goats with him.  Pretty nice deal really – a perpetual supply of meat and milk.  I wonder how you pay the interest on a goat loan? 

He agreed to the price, and decided it was actually quite a bargain, for such a wonderful bride. 

Then the celebration.  Mark was given Kikuyu wedding garb to wear.  Tradition required him to feed his future mother and father-in-law as a token of his ongoing support.  He carried out this tradition by pouring a can of Coca Cola into their open mouths.  Coke must have some kind of amazing marketing department. 

Mark was happy.  He was given the blessing of the tribal elders and her parents to wed his beautiful African princess. 

So how many goats are you worth? 

The Bible sometimes refers to the church as a bride with Jesus as the prospective groom.  The prophetic book of the Revelation says, “Let us rejoice and exult and give him glory, because the wedding celebration of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.”  Rev 19:7 -NET Bible®

Jesus, the Lamb of God, will one day symbolically wed the redeemed of all the ages as His collective bride.  It’s His way of expressing His deep and profound love for His church.

This love story began over 2,000 years ago when, like my brother Mark, Jesus left His home, to travel to a faraway place called earth.   He came dressed in the clothing of the locals, having added the flesh of man to His incomparable deity.   

But there was the bride price to pay.  In Africa, there is a well-known Swahili folk song about a young man who was desperately in love with a girl named Malaika – but they were unable to marry because he was poor and could not afford the bride price.

The cost to Jesus was even greater.  He was asked to shed His blood to satisfy the expectations of the Father.  It was non-negotiable!   He loved us enough, however, that He agreed to it – He chose to give His life on a cross in order to have His bride.

Oh how He must love us! 

In Kenya, the legal guardianship of a woman is passed from father to groom when the bride price is paid.  She becomes his.

This is true of the bride of Christ as well.  He has purchased us with His life and we now belong to Him – to have and to hold, from this day forward….   – thank You Lord Jesus!

Treat yourself to a tune “Your Love” by Bethany Bergman

my roughneck dental hygienist — July 3, 2019

my roughneck dental hygienist

/pickleheavenpress

jim johnson

A roughneck is a person who works hard with dirty calloused hands.  A dental hygienist is a person who sticks their hands in other people’s mouths.  The two don’t usually come together, but they did for me. 

I waited in the lobby for the sweet young lady who typically cleaned my teeth.  My eyes were buried in my magazine when I heard a deep, raspy voice say, “Mr. Johnson.”   

Oh no – my hygienist must have a cold.  That’s bad! 

I looked up to see a man – with a smock on. This may be worse!

He walked me back to the room while explaining that the former hygienist had moved on and now he was the man. (literally) That’s OK I can do change or so I thought.  But then he told me that he was an oil field roughneck who got tired of it and became a hygienist instead.  This was the first day of work in a dentist’s office.  Oh my – this could really be bad.

He put on his mask and gloves, tilted my chair.  Once I recovered from the whiplash, he took his pick attacked my gums like he was fracking a well.  With every muscular jab, my head rebounded.  I gagged when his big thick hands reached back for my molars.  

I suppose that everyone has their gums bleed a little during a cleaning.  But this guy hit a gusher.  

To clean up, he could have used the little sucker thing that sprays water and then vacuums it from your mouth.  He chose, instead, to cram my mouth with gauze.  He just kept jamming it in until I looked like a chipmunk on steroids. 

The dentist passed in the hall, and I cried, “Help me” but it came out, “mmmm mm.”

I learned a valuable lesson that day – when you are doing dental – you need to be gentle.

But maybe that should carry over into the rest of life as well.

I listen to the mean-mouthed politicians speak to and about each other and I wonder, “Is such vitriol necessary?”  How about a little gentleness?  The apostle Paul advised, “be peaceable, gentle, showing complete courtesy to all people.”  – Titus 3:2

We sometimes overreact when the kids disobey?   Can’t we be firm and yet gentle at the same time?  Again, Paul says, “If anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness…” Galatians 6:1

Boss – must we use our authority to bludgeon those we manage?  James asks, “Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct he should show his works done in the gentleness that wisdom brings.” – James 3:13

99% of the time I have been gentle in the way I speak to my wife.  She knows that, and yet, what she remembers is the harsh 1%.  This is what I need to remember, “A gentle response turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”  – Proverbs 15:1

The apostle Paul advocated gentleness 10 different times in the New Testament.  I suspect he did so because he was inclined to be harsh.  (father issues – who knows?)  Peter chimed in at least once and James twice.  Jesus told us that it would be the gentle who would inherit the earth (Matt. 5:5) and 1 Timothy 6:11 equates gentleness with godliness.

Should we ignore such a pervasive theme?  Or should we steal away for prayer, asking God to cleanse us from past failure in this area and asking Him to fill us anew with His Spirit that we might bear the fruit of gentleness.  (Gal. 5:23)   

Need a lesson in gentleness?  Jesus offered to be our tutor. “Take my yoke on you and learn from me, because I am gentle…”  – Matt 11:29

If you struggle with being gentle, you might consider speaking to a pastor or a counselor.  Sometimes our harshness is rooted in the past and we may need a little help as we work through it.    

Well I survived my dental cleaning and on my next visit I found that my roughneck friend had moved on, probably recruited by the CIA to interrogate terrorists.   I was relieved to learn that He was replaced by another sweet young lady who practiced gentle dental.

(all Scriptures references are from the NET Bible®)

manatease! — June 27, 2019

manatease!

/pickleheavenpress

Jim Johnson

The family was basking in the sultry waters off St. Petersburg Beach.  Our insatiably curious nine-year-old grandson was towing his Styrofoam boogie board through the surf.  His grandma was nearby to keep an eye on him.   

There was some commotion beyond him.  An aggregation of playful manatees had been spotted by some swimmers.  (An aggregation is manatee-speak for group – kind of like a congregation but better swimmers).  He began to furiously plow his way through the pounding waves, but then realized his grandma would love to see them too.  So, he yelled for her, “Mamo, there are some manatees.  Let’s go.”  He was all about manatees. 

On the drive to Florida we had talked about maybe seeing a manatee.  The family had fun exchanging original manatee jokes.  “How does a manatee start his car?”  With a manaKey!   “What does a manatee do for fun?”  ManaSki!  “What does a manatee do in the bathroom?  Wrong!  He takes a manaShower! 

A manatee really is something to see.  He is typically close to thirteen feet long and weighs about thirteen hundred lbs.  He has two flippers, a big paddle for a tail, folds of flesh, deep set eyes and a puffy forlorn looking face. 

An elephant, his closest relative, beats a manatee in the looks department hands down.   I sometimes wonder if the manatee was the last animal that God created.  Maybe He began with a big mass of grey flesh, shaped up its bulging form but then said, “I’m tired – that’s good enough.” 

One thing for sure, the boy was determined to see those creatures and to share the experience with his grandma.  She saw the people gathered near the manatees, but she also saw the relentless white capped waves that were coming her way.  She figured that they would be aggregating in Texas by the time she got out there. 

She tried anyway.  She pushed through the waves, wiping the salt from her eyes, while grandson bobbed around her like a cork on the water. But, it just wasn’t happening.   She stopped and began to turn in defeat when he pleaded, “Please Mamo, come on.  Please.  You can get on my boogie board and I will pull you.” 

Oh my! What a picture that conjures up?   An impossible task for him, to be sure. 

I wonder if that’s what Paul meant when he said, “love believes all things?”  (1 Cor. 13:7)  NET Bible® Out of his love for his mammo and the urge to share the moment with her, he believed he could and would tow her to the destination.   

An amazing love – the kind of love that may be the missing ingredient of life! 

Her husband was a hard man and she decided that she could not endure him any longer.  The marriage hung on for another 18 months, but it was really over the moment she failed to believe that things could change.  

He was a jerk!  He sure was, but what might happen if she were to possess a love that believed all things? 

What if she believed 1 Peter 3:1-2 which says that a wife can win a jerk of a husband over without nagging or coercion, but by the Christlike way in which she relates to him? 

What if she believed that the presence of Christ within her, could empower her to love him even though it felt impossible?

What if she were to accept by faith that God’s design for marriage is “till death do we part” and that God, the one who brought them together, would do His part to help them repair what was broken?    

What if she believed that her husband could become the husband and father he needed to be, once Christ took hold of his life? 

What if she were to believe the crazy idea that God could actually rekindle a fire in her heart for her husband? 

If only her love were to believe all things!

My grandson didn’t have the muscle, but he sure had the heart.  His grandma had a heart too and it melted before such devotion.  So, she turned and moved again toward the creatures but not before they began to move toward her.  And they met.  And they played together.  And then they moved on.  Texas was waiting.

His love prevailed.  Yours can too!